Last weekend was Lollapalooza here in Chicago and besides the overabundance of hipsters ironically wearing Sebastian Telfair jerseys, it sounded like a surprisingly good show. I say surprisingly because none of the headliners really intrigued me. Sure Eminem and Foo Fighters were probably great, but there wasn't any standouts.
To be fair, though, if I had been given a free ticket I would have loved to see some of the lesser known bands play during the day. One such band that I may have come across (though probably unlikely since I had never heard of them before this evening) could have been Portugal. The Man. And they might have sounded amazing. But man do they have a shitty band name.
The big news story (well, not "big big", but "300 word articles on the Huffington Post big") of the day, however, wasn't there performance at the annual Grant Park festival. No the story was that their van was stolen from a lot a few hundred yards from the concert grounds.
And that's really unfortunate. Apparently there were seven guitars, an electric piano, a few amps and other equipment that not only is needed for any immediate shows the band might be having, but also held sentimental value to the band members. I was never good enough at my cheap, used acoustic to ever hold sentimental value towards it, but I can dig it.
It's embarrassing for Chicago and I hope the thieves are found and prosecuted because they are total assholes. But Portugal. The Man are also assholes for putting that period in the middle of their band name. It's a very different kind of asshole, sure, but it was an asshole decision just the same. If they had named themselves Portugal the Man, it wouldn't be great, but it wouldn't be reaching for Sean Penn-levels of pretentiousness it currently is.
Now, having a shitty band name doesn't automatically preclude you from being musically talented. One of my favorite newer acts is Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., a name that makes me embarrassed whenever I recommend them anyone. Hell, is there anyone out there who thinks The Beatles is a good name for a band? Honestly?
But a shitty band name is a shitty band name so I made a snarky comment about it on Twitter because that's kind of what Twitter is for. Here's what I said:
Not exactly funny or insightful, but the main thing to point out is that it's not like I sent an @reply to the official Portugal. The Man Twitter account. I just made a dumbass comment.
Cue the response from somebody using their verified account:
Hmm. Okay. And I actually did feel somewhat bad because, again, it really sucks that someone would steal from anyone. And I made a comment where I said that I did feel bad. And they responded as such:
Look, I get it, being robbed sucks. But now you're just fishing for guilt-trips. Once again, I my first admittedly asshole comment wasn't sent directly to them in anyway. And when they respond in a somewhat pity-inducing way with their "yup" it was strange because that means they're just searching Twitter, looking for snarky comments about the band. But whatever, I felt bad so good for them. But then they tried to make me feel more guilty and I'm sorry, I'm just not going to.
All of that equipment is replaceable. Yeah, they might mean a lot on an emotional level, but it's not like Portugal. The Man is going to have to disband. They're signed to Atlantic Records. Now I know the music industry isn't exactly a runaway train of success these days, but I'm pretty Atlantic Records (owned by Warner Music Group) can scrounge together enough instruments to keep the band on the road.
And I know these guys aren't U2 or anything (who made like $300 million on their last tour despite being terrible since 1991), but if they just played at Lollapalooza and are signed to a pretty major label and are able to, you know, be rock stars for a living, I'm sure they are going to be okay.
I don't want to get into a whole "out-of-perspective" thing, but I fail to really see why anyone other than the specific members of the band, the authorities investigating, the label, or the assholes who actually stole the equipment should really care this band got robbed when actual real people who don't get to make music for a living get robbed every day.
It's an extremely unfortunate situation, but one that will ultimately probably work out okay. Portugal. The Man might be inconvenienced greatly by what happened, but they'll keep existing and keep playing music until they inevitably succumb to the King of Leon-level pressures of stardom and pretend like they didn't break up halfway through a tour in 2016.
But until then, we, the fans of indie rock still have to look at that damn period in the middle of their godforsaken band name. That period is the real tragedy.
*
Shows what you know about small bands on big labels. also, a lot of it was vintage original equipment. Which actually is literally irreplaceable. As in only very few models were made and definitely not being sold by their owners. I came to read your thoughts on why the name sucked and to see if you would address why the period is even there, which would have been something that could have strengthened your argument. But you didn't bother educating yourself before bitching. Meh, you have every right to do that. Just as i have every right to tell you it's juvenile act to do so. Did you stop to think, why would they even do that? A period in their name. Sounds dumb. but the reason is respectful. Plus, you sure didn't forget the name and you'd never heard of them before. Looks like the name you dislike did it's job perfectly.
ReplyDelete1.) My argument isn't that there is no meaning behind the period, I'm sure there is. And I'm sure they think it's really clever and, hell, maybe it is. But that's all irrelevant because simply having a period in the middle of the band's name is incredibly stupid.
ReplyDelete2.) Is it the shitty name that made me hear of Portugal. The Man or is the fact that they got their van stolen and that fact got a fair amount of media attention. Hell, this will probably give them a huge boost in popularity/sales. For how much pity they're receiving, they might end up cashing in more than anything. Not saying they should be giving the thief a high-five if they ever get to confront him, but it looks like it could be a pretty big blessing in disguise.
Mike, in your response above to Anonymous, you still had no argument defining why it's incredibly stupid to have a period in the middle of a band's name. Why is it stupid? And as you stated in your entry, the name of a band does not in anyway give any clue into whether the band is musically talented or not. Therefore, why does it bother you SO much what a band's name is? You know the saying about "judging a book by it's cover", right? So let me ask you this... do you think the name "Panic! at the disco" is also incredibly stupid, regardless of whether you think the band is talented or not? Is it less stupid when it's an exclamation mark? Is it more stupid? Does it not matter because you actually know the band and it is a hugely successful band, so therefore they are "cool"? I personally think it's an ingenius name, again regardless of the music they put out. Many of my friends and I have discussed how much we love that name. An exclamation mark is not that much different from a period. And it's not as if we understand WHY the band chose to put an exclamation mark within the name. As Anonymous put above, we do not understand Portugal. the Man's name either and if what Anonymous said we correct, there is some respectful backstory to it. It may be something extremely meaningful to the band and since we do not understand, we should not judge. I just don't understand why it's such a huge deal to you. It's all about the music, right? Before bands like Smashing Pumpkins or pretty much every other famous band out there became huge, how many people thought, "Oh gee what the heck kind of name is that?"
ReplyDeleteAnd before you call this incident a blessing in disguise, try to place yourself in their shoes.. having put all your money into the instruments and equipment you need to optimize the sound you want to make... having these instruments become so endearing to you... you do not know how they feel for what happened. Maybe you would trade major objects of sentimental and monetary value for some publicity, but would they? Do they even need to? They just played Lollapalooza! While here you are riding the coattails of an unfortunate incident that happened to someone else so you can degrade someone's name. OK fine, we all are entitled to our opinions. You don't like the name. That's fine! But you are completely disrespecting the band and their fans and supporters by baselessly and repeatedly calling their name "incredibly stupid" and belittling their misfortune.
Please just be a little bit more sympathetic. Even if you aren't, no need to be so negative. I hope Portugal. the Man will be able to find their irreplaceable property. They are an awesome band and I love their music. The name may have struck me as odd initially, as many band names do, but there was no reason for me to think it as "stupid". It is unique. Good for them. I'm still open to hear your explanation why a period automatically makes any name incredibly stupid.
Here's another one I just thought of: Will.I.Am. Is it also incredibly stupid? Or is it less so because we understand it's a clever play on his real name William?
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you only have a little over 400 followers after 10000 tweets. You are an ignorant and pathetic man.
ReplyDelete"...or is the fact that they got their van stolen and that fact got a fair amount of media attention. Hell, this will probably give them a huge boost in popularity/sales."
ReplyDelete- Says the guy who picked this exact time to go after the band's name. What a coincidence!
Wow, it's funny that this guy has the audacity to call ANYONE else an ass hole. You're just a shitty person.
ReplyDeleteYou're so ignorant. it's not even funny. in fact, it makes me sick.
ReplyDeleteYou're a sad individual.
ReplyDeleteHey there, Michael. The band's name is based on David Bowie's idea of a fame that is "bigger than life. They wanted the band to have a bigger than life feel but didn't want to name it after one of their members. "Portugal," is meant to demonstrate a large group of people. The name isn't really specific to the country itself. I guess it just kind of rolls off the tongue. The next part, "The Man," is meant to be, well, one man. So you have the duality of a large group of people and then the one solitary man.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the period goes, it closes the statement. You know, just like we learned in grade school. When you think about it, the name wouldn't be the same at all without the period. Without it, the name would just be about some average Joe who goes by the name of Portugal, which isn't really all that interesting. But don't take my word for it; just ask one of the band members the significance of the name. They're all pretty generous folks, so I'm sure they wouldn't mind.
Maybe they were scouring Twitter looking to rage against the hecklers, but maybe they were also looking for a hand in finding their equipment. A lot of people are using it help them out, so they’re looking at each and every tweet with their name in it. I'm not too sure the first thing to come to their minds when they realized that their van and trailer had been taken (which was supposed to be under 27/7 surveillance, mind you) was, "Oh boy! New instruments and acknowledgement from the press!" Who knows? Still, have you ever seen Zach's bass? It's gorgeous and he's had it his entire life. I'd want it back if I were him. To be fair, you probably never cared for your cheap acoustic guitar because, you know, it was cheap. I don't own any truly expensive instruments either, but one of the missing guitars, a 1966 Gretsch Viking, would fetch a pretty penny online. Not exactly replaceable, and the chances of your record label buying you another one of those is extremely slim.
Even though I kind of find it hard to believe after what I’ve read, you should give them a listen. You might like them! In the mean time, happy blogging. Don’t forget to thank Portugal. The Man for giving you more views than you were able to muster before. I look forward to your likely intelligent counterargument and your upcoming article on why The Beatles have such a dumb name!
"But then they tried to make me feel more guilty and I'm sorry, I'm just not going to."
ReplyDeleteThey don't need your sympathy. They have us.
The latter part of your argument pretty much seems like you're incapable of offering sympathy. I sure hope you don't intend on breeding... Or trying to comfort someone who's grandmother just died.
ReplyDeleteYou have some nerve to call them pretentious and say they're fishing for compliments. I bet after they tweeted you it was the highest spike in views your blog will ever get. You must be pretty into the viewpoint "Any publicity is good publicity"
ReplyDelete"All of that equipment is replaceable."
ReplyDeleteDare to disagree.
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/msg/2536326530.html
You are a cunt mikeproper
ReplyDeletelol wut. this post makes no sense
ReplyDeleteyou are a crooked. crooked dick
ReplyDelete"And they might have sounded amazing. But man do they have a shitty band name." sounds like you refused to listen to them just because of the name. it's sad how shallow that would be. anyways... i'm trying to imagine a blind Michael Proper falling in love with the music of this excellent band.
ReplyDeleteYou should just keep a diary, rather than a blog... It sucks that your uneducated opinions are posted in an open forum for the world to see... Wish I had the last 5mins of my life back. Hope Portugal. The Man finds their van/gear...
ReplyDeleteYour blog is so fucking shitty.
ReplyDeleteI once saw a poster featuring a band called Prison Wallet.
ReplyDeleteI thought that was a sweet band name.
Do you think it's sweet? ...or shitty?
I don't understand how you have no compassion in this matter. The items that they use to make a living with were taken from them and instead of wishing them luck in retrieving their things back, you shamelessly attack them. You're a heartless individual and I hope one day that you have to experience the loss of something that you not only hold dear, and also need to provide for yourself and family. They don't need your pity but they also don't need or deserve your hate.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand how you have no compassion in this matter. The items that they use to make a living with were taken from them and instead of wishing them luck in retrieving their things back, you shamelessly attack them. You're a heartless individual and I hope one day that you have to experience the loss of something that you not only hold dear, and also need to provide for yourself and family. They don't need your pity but they also don't need or deserve your hate.
ReplyDeleteYes, Will.I.Am and Panic! at the Disco are stupid band names. Panic at the Disco did take the ! out though. Will.I.Am is a hologram so I don't know what to make of him.
ReplyDeleteIt's not always about punctuation, of course. An Horse? I mean come on.
Also Prison Wallet is okay I guess.
But to address one person in particular,
Walter,
I truly appreciate in the insight into what the period means. That doesn't change my opinion of it or the whole name, but it's an interesting concept nonetheless.
And I appreciate your reasoned response so I'll reiterate to you directly in kind. I really hope they get their equipment back. As a citizen of Chicago, I'm embarrassed for my city but hope its police department can make up for it by finding the guys that did this and prosecuting them to the fullest extent of the law. Hell, I bet this will happen. It sounds like they're already posting some of the equipment to sell on Craigslist according to the band's Twitter account.
But the point of my argument was two-fold: 1.) I just don't like the band name. People have asked me to specify my dislike and I did: it's pretentious. I can't be any more specific than that because it's an opinion and not a fact. Clearly some people think it's great. More power to them.
2.) Things will work out. I know I come off as an asshole and, frankly, that's kind of the point. I found it to be very lame to try to fish for sympathy. They're situation at the moment sucks but their situation as a whole is awesome. They get to be rock stars for a living. And in spite of everything, they'll almost assuredly be able to keep doing that. And these guys that have a job that 98% of the world would trade for in a second make a comment at some random schmuck like me? It's offensive. Is my cynicism based partially out of jealousy and petty annoyance? Sure. Absolutely.
It's funny because they tweeted at me at some point overnight to say my blog was shitty (which, trust me, I know) and if anything that makes me respect them more. Much better to be direct than passive aggressive (pot completely calling the kettle black, I know, but I also didn't expect anyone other than a few friends to read this).
So again, thank you for your reasoned, interesting comment.
I am disgusted that you are from Chicago. How dare you disrespect someone else. You need to pack your things and buy a one-way ticket out of here and NEVER return. You are pathetic.
ReplyDeleteI betcha if the situation was reversed, you'd be singing a different tune. Have a little more compassion for these people who trekked out here from Portland, with all of their equipment, to play one of the biggest festivals, only to have ALL OF THEIR EQUIPMENT/VAN/TRAILER stolen the next day. Talk about an extreme high and then extreme low.
You need to apologize you pathetic weasel. Apologize and end this little tirade you so happen to be on because there is nothing else better going on in your life. Perhaps your weasel-self needs to stop riding Portugal. The Man's coattails!!!
You make it sound like that P.TM got this life so easily and that they didn't work hard to get to where they are now..........clearly you haven't done enough research in the band as they have worked fucking hard. They are one of the hardest working bands around at the moment.
ReplyDeleteIt just seems like a pointless blog to post at this very time.........how about i steal loads of items from your house that are worth a lot and are sentimental to you. Let's see how you like that.
Just seems like you're a jealous little man who has nothing better to do than just finger your bumhole and moan about other people's misfortunes.
There is a name for people like you.........Twat.
Sorry that name wasn't harsh enough.........i mean't Cunt face.
ReplyDeleteI think Walter hit it head on. The name is strange, that's for sure, but that's artists for you.
ReplyDeleteDon't let this one situation hold your opinion of the band members, Mike. They truly are noble, sincere gentlemen. They really love their fans and everyone who takes the time to hear their music. They're rock stars, yes, but they're so unbelievably stoic. Anybody who's ever taken the time to listen/read an interview or even has the pleasure of meeting them in person can attest to their mentality. Still, they're proud of their baby, and will occasionally lash out to defend it. Now just probably wasn't the greatest time to criticize their name.
I love Portugal. The Man because of the music they've put out over the years. Personally, I'd kind of like to see the thieves experience Hammurabi's code, but something tells me that the band members would be okay with slapping the criminals on their wrists and sending them on their way. Being a resident of Chicago, a lot of us would really appreciate it if you kept your eyes open.
I can't even tell if this is a joke? What kind person gives a band shit for trying to get their stuff back? and if you knew anything about the instruments stolen you would know that some of the stuff cannot be replaced. Good quality vintage gear is not easy to come by.
ReplyDeleteI support you and your right to use humor and opinion on your own blog, Michael Proper. All of you earnest trolls who are bashing a dude's blog need to get back out to the pawn shops with your gear list and hunt down equipment so that Portugal. The Man. will consider you a friend forever and ever. Who knows, maybe you can get a nice write up in Pitchfork? Headline: "Earnest, presumably tattooed, 20-something, saves the day." Fuck off.
ReplyDeleteYou're a fucking IDIOT!
ReplyDeleteThese guys have been working so fucking hard for this. And for you to think they are loaded because they are signed to Atlantic. Well, one of the members didn't have enough money to pay for his beer! And still they share what they've got because they are some the most unselfish musicians/ people around that didn't have a home for years! They lived in a van... FOR YEARS!
What was in that van was basically everything they owned.
You are evil.
FYI Panic! at the disco happily put their exclamation mark back in their name a year or two ago. I guess they are back on your pretentious shitty bands list. May I venture to say the only one coming off pretentious to everyone is YOU. You can only offer up that the names are stupid and pretentious, again not explaining why. And of COURSE Portugal. the Man didn't go soft and called your blog shitty. YOU called their band name shitty! That was a rude personal attack with the full knowledge that they would READ your blog post. Congrats, you garnered all this attention to your blog, but everyone will forget about your blog after you stop pissing them off with your pretentiousness and your hate.
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous who started your post with "I support...", then you must also support ALL of our commenting as it is equally our right to read and respond as we wish. You can't have it one way but not the other. Also, it went from being some guy's little blog post to something much bigger when Mike decided to write the blog post AFTER knowing he'd garner all this attention due to P.tM having noticed him and tweeting him. He then shamelessly proceeded not only to say that he dislikes the band name, but that it is a shitty shitty incredibly stupid pretentious band name. Right.... just being funny and stating his opinion. Not being offensive and rude at all, nope.
ReplyDeleteAnd, might I remind you, the issue isn't just that Mike HATES P.tM's name, it's the fact that he feels that because he dislikes P.tM's name (alright, alright, FINE, opinion), he doesn't have ANY sympathy towards their plight and seems to even wish misfortune on them due to being "jealous" of their musical careers. THAT is selfish. Go ahead and dislike someone's name, but how can you let that affect your opinion of the band as people and what misfortunes they are going through? I believe that is where P.tM and scores of people are taking issue with Mike. So what if someone dislikes someone's band name? I hear it all the time, just not to the level of being rude and offensive about it like Mike has. It has to do with the timing and how he relates it to the horrible loss that just happened.
ReplyDeleteOk, it's me again - "Anonymous" who supports what Mike said even though I don't know Mike, nor have an opinion about Portugal. The Man.
ReplyDeleteTo the poster of the previous two comments: Of course, I support your right to say what you want. I'm just saying it sounds really whiny, and frankly, your anger is misdirected at a powerless (sorry, Mike) fucking blogger who's trying to get some laughs. He ADMITTED that his opinion was partially based on jealousy and petty annoyance. Your assertion that his post was an attempt to capitalize on this situation is absurd because AS HE SAID, he didn't send his snarky opinion directly to the band to be antagonistic. It was for his friends and followers on Twitter. The band SEARCHED AND FOUND his Tweet on their own. Look, I think it sucks that they're equipment got ripped off. His point is that things could be a lot worse, in the grand scheme. His perspective quite is Zen-like, and you'd have a lot less stress in your life if you followed suit. People like you and all of the other self-righteous pricks are proving his point by acting like the loss of some gear is the end of Portugal. The Man. Obviously it sucks. I get it. But deserving of such a strong reaction - hardly. By the way, my house in Chicago was robbed on Saturday night (no bullshit). I lost a blue Schwinn mountain bike with a broken seat that I paid $50 for. Please be on the lookout and tell your friends. And, for the love of Christ, don't make fun of the fact that I own(ed) a Schwinn (or go by the name Annonymous).
With all my heart, fuck off and die you fucking piece of shit.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, how small of a person do you have to be to make light of this in any way shape or form? Fuck you and your blog
ReplyDeleteApparently I can't login from work, but:
ReplyDeleteTo say I have NO sympathy is obviously incorrect because I said I they're stuff is returned. Maybe that came off as sarcastic, but I sincerely meant it.
But some of you are acting like someone was killed or something. A successful band had their stuff stolen and it really sucks, but they'll continue to exist and everyone will be fine. Seriously, we'll move on.
Sorry about your bike, anonymous. That really blows. I don't know if I have a "zen-like" perspective but I appreciate the sentiments
Also, "crooked dick" did make me laugh, so kudos to the other anoymous
*hope their stuff
ReplyDeleteMike Proper? What a stupid name. Why, if such a person were to have their car stolen I wouldn't feel so bad because they have a name that I have an unfounded dislike for!
ReplyDeleteDipshit.
A wonderful example of the kind of page-view baiting, vapid, overly pedantic, unnecessarily snarkny, ill-informed writing that gives music blogs (and blogs in general) a shitty, shitty name in the eyes of some.
ReplyDeleteA lot of these insults are strange to me, but these are open comments so more power to y'all. But how is it page-view baiting?
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I don't have any advertising so why would I give two-shits about page-views?
Second of all, all I did was tweet the link when I finished writing it. I didn't try to tweet at the band and say "Hey dudes, check this out. I talk shit about your crappy name! RT PLZ! :)" They commented because apparently they take the time to scope the internet for people talking shit.
Ever considered the fact that they were looking for mentions at the time because the theft had just occurred and they were trying to see what people might mention out there? You think they would've been sitting there at their twitter accounts searching if it weren't for that? Please also take into account the vapid mood they must have been in after what happened, and then to see your heckling of their "stupid" name.. anyone would've responded negatively to that.
ReplyDeleteGoddamn the writer is annoying & redundant.
ReplyDeleteI bet he feels fuckin' dumb when he figures out
Portugal. The Man are one of the best bands left of today. Who made this loser King of Band Names?
This blog eats a sack of baby dicks.
Anonymous said that Anonymous said: "Yeah, but what about the songs. Where are they?" ... In portugal the songs were hidden from all human hands. treasured. revered. _. _________.
ReplyDelete