TV Review: Jersey Shore - "Breaking Up"

It was fitting when Snooki referred to herself as Bond...Snooki Bond because tonight's episode, "Breaking Up," had all of the tension and espionage of a classic spy thriller. From the continued excitement of Ronnie and Sam's "Will they or wont they?" romance to the heartbreaking finality of Snooki and Emilio's soul-crushing break-up, this episode had it all! (I rarely use unironic exclamation points, but it was very necessary here)

Picking off in media res from last week's episode, Sammi sits waiting for Ronnie, expecting him to return in only an hour. But the hours pass and she receives no word from her loving boyfriend. Meanwhile, more love comes into question as Snooki calls Emilio to talk and he has the nerve to not leave the bar/club in the middle of having a night out with his friends to talk to her on the phone. What a cantankerous oaf!

But if this isn't bad enough, he calls back some time later and admits to having sex with one of the half-naked women he was out with that evening. But then he claims that this proclamation was all a ruse and that the intercourse didn't even happen. But who are we to believe? Luckily, Snooki went with the logical response and kicked Emilio's sorry behind to the curb.

Sidebar: I, of course, am happy that Snooki is now single, but I am probably getting my hopes up that her and I will ever meet for a chance at romance. But, if life isn't about taking chances, what is it about? I believe that she truly is my "one." Everybody has a soulmate and I'm ready to spend the rest of life with mine, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.

Meanwhile, Ronnie, the boys, and the rogue Angelina still haven't returned and the ladies of the house (Angelina disrespectful behavior doesn't allow her to qualify) decide to break free of the restraints of men by smashing the fine china, Eat Pray Love-style (I'm assuming...I haven't read or seen it).

Good for you, ladies! If there's one way to make us hooligan men understand what it means to treat a woman right, it's breaking stuff for us to pick up later. Whenever my next relationship begins (hopefully with a certain four-foot tall Aphrodite), I'll always think back to this scene when I'm doubting my potential for meeting my spouse's reasonable needs.

Finally, the club-goers return and another sensation fight sequence occurs between Ronnie and Sammi. I could have sworn they were choreographed by John Woo himself, until I realized that there was no physical contact made. To make an entirely verbal confrontation seem so riveting is a testament to the talented people behind the camera and in the editing room that work on this show. With such a gifted and interesting cast, it's easy to forget how much work the crew puts in to make this such a brilliant television series, but I want to give my deepest kudos here.

Unfortunately for fans of true love everywhere, it looks like Ron and Sammi have broken up for good.

Or have they? Because when Ronnie uncharacteristically gets really drunk, Sammi takes it upon herself (nobly I might add) to make sure he gets home safe and provides him with a pan they occasionally use for cooking for him to puke into. Something tells me these two are going to be all right.

But, I suppose there is always a chance that destiny means nothing and this modern day Romeo and Juliet don't get married and have a dozen kids and retire to Scottsdale until they both die in each others arms at the age of 97. And if for some reason this is the case, JWoww and Snooki are on the case with The Fateful Anonymous Letter about Ronnie's Hook-ups.

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The Fateful Anonymous Letter about Ronnie's Hook-ups

This is the part of the episode where Snooki's James Bond reference came into play. Now, I must admit, I've never seen an actual Bond film, but I have to guess many of them deal with 007 sending anonymous letters to his roommate to warn her about a cheating beau. It's such a universally intriguing plot point that I'm sure it's become somewhat clichéd in every Bond movie it appears in, but its use in Jersey Shore brought a freshness to the idea that Daniel Craig never could.

JWoww, she of many genius ideas, comes up with the plan to write the anonymous letter in order to make sure Sammi is informed about what is going on, but also to avoid any kind of responsibility for her actions. It's almost a Churchillian political tactic. I wonder if she has ever considered running for public office. If she does, she's got my vote! (Again, I'm not normally a fan of exclamation points, but I want to stress how much I would love to vote for JWoww for any political position she may want to run for).

They decide to hold onto the letter until Sammi cries just one more tear. I can't imagine Ronnie will do anything egregious, so I'd expect that letter to be tucked away forever. At least I hope so...

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If I had one complaint about "Breaking Up," it was that all of the emotionally engaging drama of Ronnie and Sammi left little time for greater insight into what makes The Situation, Vinnie, and Pauly D (collectively, M.V.P.) tick. Nonetheless, the scenes where The Situation has to deal with his kitchen fiasco and when Vinnie and Pauly D creep on girls at the ice cream shop were gripping, even in their brevity.

If I had a second complaint about "Breaking Up," it would be Angelina, the harlot.

But despite these minor problems, the episode was otherwise awe-inspiring. We are now one-third of our way through the season and I couldn't be happier with what I have seen. Many critics say we are in the golden age of television, but Jersey Shore is truly the gold that outshines all others.

OVERALL GRADE: A+

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